Have u ever had the moment where you think to yourself how it all was meant to be and it’s all destroyed in a second?well..i go thru that a lot..a hell lot..but when i think back,i come to realise that every new thing i gain is sooo much better than the previous..so,i wont sigh for now but i’ll thank the Good Lord instead..
xoxo
Tell me the truth, do you still love me? I don’t know you anymore, but I still want to.. When will you come back daddy? Come back and bring back the time machine we used to watch on tv k? So that I can turn back the time and undo all the things that made you mad at me. Don’t let me be the reason why you wish to stay far. Far from us.. From mama,bro..from me.. We never go for a movie daddy.. Wy don’t we do that one day? I know one of your favorite movie is Band of Brothers. Mama never fancy those kinds of movies. She often says they are too loud and brutal.. Silly her.. Nevermind Daddy, I know mama’s taste.. She’s into soapy kind of tv show.. Oh ya daddy, have I told you about my plan to remake your song? Sadly I couldn’t find anyone to play the guitar and piano for me. I thought of giving you the record for Christmas. You will be here for Christmas right Daddy?
I shall remain this way. Cold and heartless. You are the one who taught me how. I can’t talk eye to eye to you anymore and you say the problem is me. I’ve not done anything wrong but you keep saying I have. Ma,Pa, I’m sorry I’m not perfect. No one is.. However, if you wish to drive things the way it is now, I’ll surrender and the way it is shall it be. Please don’t blame it on me because it is YOU who started all this fire of hatred in me. Now now, don’t go lecturing me about how I’ve changed from a loving girl to who I am now.. Because the answer’s simply in YOU. Please don’t go twisting things around just because you feel like it. Just because you feel like you are right all the time. Just because..Sometimes I wish real hard for you to listen to me at least ONCE. Is that too much to ask for? It seems to me, the more I wish for it, the farther it seems from reality. How long should I wait for the Good Lord to make things better? How I’m hoping for another hope to flickers any moment from now.. Tick tock tick tock.. It’s still the same.. Daddy, hold me.. Oh wait,you’re not here. Mama, talk to me.. Sigh, i forgot you will not listen because there’s always going to be accusations in each of our conversation. Do not get me wrong, It’s not that I do not understand your situation.. I do.. I mean, I’ve tried.. TOO many times.. Should I keep trying, I keep asking. Who’s going to answer that for me? A confession I wish to jot down.. I love both of you but I can’t lead your life because I have a life on my own. Thank you for bringing me to this world. You’ve done a brilliant job as parents. Look at me Daddy, look at me Mama.. Do you still want to force me do things I do not want to do? It’s like you’re holding yourself back from reality. Perhaps you wish to see me do the things you’ve always wanted to do.. but Ma,Dad, don’t destroy my dreams and beliefs just because you are not close to yours. I could not ask for more now because I no longer believe in what I believed in once. I’ve shed so many tears just to defend myself until I no longer find tears as a way for me to express my sadness. Instead, they’re the only method for me to end the day. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. And the sad part is YOU don’t know about it. A simple message I wish to deliver to you. Very simple, I just want to tell you I just want to talk to you.. Tell you I’m not perfect.. I guess, this is just another one of my letters that’s not going to reach you….
-ur Princess-
ku ingin kau yang dulu yang selalu di sisi ku yang tersenyum yang menangis yang bersandar di pelukku kau dewi ku kau cinta ku kau yang slalu di sini saat kau milik ku… tak mungkin ku berbalik kau terukir di hati ku yang terindah yang ku rasa yang tercipta di mimpiku kau dewi ku kau cinta ku kau yang slalu di sini saat kau milik ku tapi kau telah pergi kau tinggalkan diri ku hancurkan hati ku kau beri ku sejuta peritan bertepi masihkan kini diriku di hatimu? mungkin ku tak pernah berikan inginmu wujudkan mimpimu tapi kau miliki cinta ku di hati mu bawa kembali seperti kau yang dulu saat kau milik ku… kau dewi ku kau cinta ku kau yang slalu di sini saat kau milik ku
Sometimes i call him Papa..sometimes Dad..MOST of the time? Daddy with the childish intonation..haha.. i remember the times when he would cooked us awesome food and let me get the credit..hehe..silliy him.. If i’m asked to write down what are the things i miss about him,i might not be able to do so now..but i know there are tons of sweet memories of him..i just can’t recall much now.. Growing up without much of him by my side really is something. I no longer know him. Not like I used to.. I’m sorry…
The fallibility is there..
It’s always there..
She looked at the mirror and found someone else staring back at her. It was such an awful sight that she just looked back down. All that was in her mind were answerless questions. Lots of them in fact. She deliberately let herself drowned in the confusions. As she tried to prink and at the same time wonder what had actually happened, the only thing she could come up with is, it’s all inexplicable. She felt like a golliwog. Lifeless but constantly needed when and only when needed. She looked around her room and found a bottle of sleeping pills on the floor. Probably the result of a failed suicide attempt the night before, the bottle landed on the floor. She promised herself she would endure life. So, what had coaxed her to give up? What made her listen to the devil’s motivation to hate herself more and more each day?
I am the image that stays in your mind..I appear in your thoughts before you go to sleep at night.. I run through your memory like u belong to me.. Play with your flashbacks and dance with your speech about me.. I’ll be with your shadow when u search for me..I’ll laugh softly with the wind when you can’t find me.. I’ll gather for u your strength to get up again and keep looking.. Keep looking for me..
The title says it all..
xoxo
eheh..aku akan cuba buat yang terbaik demi diri sendiri dan juga demi bayang - bayangku serta demi aku yang aku lihat di dalam cermin.. ok,it’s not gonna work!
hrrmm..what am I gonna crap about today?This few days been kinda down..mata pun kembang..after an issue with family,timbul gik kat college..thought i’d be happy at college but after marek,nang hurt la aku..tp Chelsea told me to just sabar..coz ppl duno the actual fact..all they know is to just talk sh*t and judge..
I’ve Said It Before and I’m Gonna Say It Again….
Dont Hate Me Coz I’m Popular N Better Looking Than You..just Hush It and Face It..It’s Not like I’m Gonna Steal Your Boyfriend anyhow.I’m Not All that Aite..Grow Up..That Msg is For All Those Insecure Loserish Cibai Out There..For The Lanchau Gender Pulak,helo..Just Because I kwn Dgn u org,Jgn La Ingat I Syok Kat U..YA AMPUNN…..Ish,Come on La, Do me A favor AND Iboh Tambahkan My stress K?hrrmm…For Cosmopoint Staffs Pulak,eh awak,My Parents Pay for The fees k..So,U jgn la Sukati je Komen About My Baju..Just BECAUSE your Ugly,and can’t be ME..Get Of My Space..Just Stop Bugging me ok?!
Tension na juak eh..muda muda dah stress..ish..sabar jak lah..exam gik sik lamak gik..but i’m all cool!haha..
neway,cheers…
xoxo
i don’t even know myself anymore..i thought i do, but now i’m not even sure about it. Do i love myself? I think so..however, someone told me otherwise. someone told me to start loving myself.. i thought i’m the indifference type. the one who says, i don’t know,and i don’t care..however, i was told by someone,i WAS not like that..i WAS loving..now,i’m so full of hatred in me..is that so?i don’t feel that way..see?i’m soo confused now..it’s as if anything i do is wrong..a tiny mistake seems fatal.. what is going on?What did I do wrong?What caused all this?Couldnt be the cliche "friends’ Influence shittoes"..the battle is all about me myself and i.will someone help me?will someone tell me who i really am?will someone just please?
Who Am I?
