Spoonstar in the making

yeah..it’s true..people can hate you coz ur beautiful and popular..whatever……..muah!

here i am suddenly thinking why do people lie…i lie..(not all the time)you lie..everybody lies..that’s so irony..ppl doing what is wrong and yet they can’t seem to stop..it’s very different from acts like trying to quit a heavy smoking habit that takes quite an effort..lies seem more powerful than that.ppl lie t me.A HELL BLOODY FREAKIN FUCKIN LOT…i hate it..NO,i DESPISE it..i often wonder how it would be like if i die…will those who lied/lies to me remember me?my snobbish theory of why some of them lie to me is simply because they envy me and they want me or they want to be me..simple..many events have proved that..haha..others?well,they are somewhat i call SEED OF A MOTHERSCREWER..

however,when i was watching The Oprah Show the other day,the show featured on a pathalogical liar(did i spell that right?)whatever…i learned that ppl lie because indirectly they HATE themselves..as an act of cover up,they lie..pretty pathetic huh.

however,there is one scenario that i wish to point out as a self reminder that can never trust anyone in this world..

lies,they fed me with..

hopes,they filled me with..

hatred,what’s inside of me..

venge,i breath in..

cold stares i let out..

tears never escape..

only to put myself to sleep..

my lullaby,

the lullaby of HATE…..

i’ve been hurt so many times..and yet i still manage to let out a killer smile..

thank you for the strength is all i wish to say…

BUT I HATE YOU..and you don’t know it..

eyes are meant to see..

not to be seen..

they see beauty and destruction…

they are beauty,

they are destruction…

Baby do you love me?
Just a simple yes or no
Do you feel it in your heart
That’s all I want to know.

Do you feel it deeply
Down inside your soul
Do you ever get the feeling
you’re going to lose control

Do you always smile
When you see a certain thing
And does your stomach jump
And your ears begin to ring

Do you find it difficult
Just to say good night
Because something deep inside you
Is ready to ignite

Can you always feel it
When someone is right there
And do you feel the need
To show how much you care

Do you need to shout it
From every mountain top
Just how much you feel
And that it will never stop

Do you want that sweet caress
That kiss, so deep and long
And do you want to have that dance
To a very special song

Do you long to have that touch
To feel the warm of hands
To feel the pressing of bodies
And knowing what they demand

Do you feel just like a kid
Inside a candy store
Having all you dreamed of
And always wanting more

If you can answer yes
To everything that’s true
Then you know just how I feel
Every day that I’m with YOU!

Sometimes I feel insecure

Sometimes I become paranoid

However, most of the time,

I sing to myself the lullaby of death.

Uncertain of what the future will hold,

I remain a hypocrite.

On the outside I smile a thousand to please others.

While I cry myself to sleep at night.

The home I live in does nothing more than just a home.

The people around me are just clueless.

They don’t know what’s it like to be me.

They only know that they’re always right.

Again, it’s time for me to sing to myself,

The beautiful lullaby of death.

I hope one day I finally find my senses,

To stop singing and start living the life I should be living.

-The end-

Before the fire, that winter’s night

   None seemed so sweet as she,

With winning smile, and dark eyes bright,

   And playful repartee.

The dancing light - as round it flashed -

   To her seemed drawing nigh,

Her slender waist pressed unabashed;

   Thus guided, so did I.

It softly touched her cheeks aflame.

   I scarce repressed a sigh.

It touched her lips. Dared I the same?

   Too tempting; so did I.

Her ruby lips, half pouting, seemed

   My boldness to decry.

Pa’s step was heard. The flame scarce gleamed,

   Went out - and so did I. 

A good friend of mine told me that the opposite of love is not hate- it’s indifference. I couldn’t agree more. A torn person who does not murmur a word is much more effective than one who spews venom. If you think about it, we have been taught this through various childhood lessons such as how to deal with a bully. The best way to stand up to a bully was to ignore him/her. Bullies were bullies because they needed attention and only when that was denied to them, is when they were defeated. Humans want so desperately to be loved that we often confuse love with attention. Is it possible for someone to love you and not shower you with attention? Likewise, is it also possible for someone to shower you with attention and actually not give a shit about you? Man’s innate curiosity to know the meaning of life is, in my opinion, is really just an excuse to find out who loves you. The self-righteous people are the most love starved and they feed themselves with theories and philosophies to substitute the lack of love in their lives. In this case, the self-righteous confuses love with “understanding”. Which leads me to ask, is love an all or nothing thing? Is it relative? Do we all have our own definitions of love- and if that is the case, it should be of no surprise that we are so often disappointed in matters of the heart.

I give love endlessly. My love is like a bleeding wound with no platelets- that will keep going and going until I die. Romantic? Maybe. Stupid? More likely. But honest nonetheless.

I wish I could be indifferent. I don’t know how.